Feeling and seeing blue

Sometimes I wish life was easier. But then again – if I didn’t have hardships every now and then (or constantly since I became an adult), I wouldn’t perhaps have as deep an understanding for what my kids go through. Because they do have hardships. They can’t conform. They stick out here where we live for many reasons.

At the moment I’m struggling with my eyesight and doctors and staff everywhere who keep focusing on the fact that I am over 40, and disregard anything I say regarding my symptoms as a cause of that.

Times my husband has had people tell him that he is over 40, and that he should just ”get on with it” – 0.

Times I’ve had people tell me I’m over 40, so I should just get used to my body not being in top form – too many to count. Every time I’ve seen a doctor, a specialist, an optician. Random people.

Times my husband has had his symptoms acknowledged because of a list I’ve sent with him – every time he goes to hospital. Including a time when he lost consciousness and I sent him to the E.R. with a description of his seizure.

Times people listen to me when I have a list of my own symptoms – a few. My husband actually remembers this one time at a private clinic in Copenhagen, and then there was this one gynecologist who were really great at actually listening to what I said.

No wonder people keep saying that women get worse health care than men. Because there is an inherent bias that women complain too much. Women exaggerate. Women should just get on with their lives, and stop bothering people. And that bias is inherent in both men and women. It is the system, i.e. the culture, that is wrong.

At the moment I am so relieved I have stopped seeing blue halos around objects. I went for an eye exam, and apparently I had an unusual reaction to the eye drops that they used. Which also explains why I haven’t had any inclination for gardening or outdoors activities lately – I only a few days realized that that is because my eyes are so light sensitive.  Mostly I’m just so angry with people telling me that I should just get used to all the odd symptoms I’m having, all the time.

I used to think that doctors didn’t take me seriously because I was a young girl. Well, now that I’m over 40 they still don’t take me seriously! Now with the added ”Well, you are over 40…”.

It’s only been a few weeks and I’m already missing taking photographs and seeing proper colours, but today I went out and took a few pictures just to get back a bit of that relaxing feeling that I used to get when seeing our garden through a camera lens.

I usually relax when I make my pretty pictures, but not this time – now I only get angry at not seeing properly, and not getting the proper care!

Well, the great thing is I know that when I look at the pictures later on I will have forgotten all about my state of mind, and only see a beautiful Agapanthus (I’m so happy we finally have one, and that it is thriving in our care!).

Which is also a great life lesson to learn – forgetfulness has its place in life as well, and is not always a curse.

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